Post 3 Tender Mercies

Go to the Temple? I tucked that thought away for the moment.  It was about 4:00am, not knowing what to do I told Trish that people would be coming and I needed to shower and get dressed, I wanted to get ready for the day.  As I looked in my closet for what to wear, all I could think was to put on slacks and a white shirt.  I picked out a tie and laid it to the side.  It just seemed right to me that on the first day of my Son being dead I would wear a white shirt and tie.  The Bishop came over around 5:30am and dropped off flowers and a large box of Einstein Bagels for us.  It was so thoughtful.  At some point I sat down and posted on Facebook, it read; “Today my grief knows no end. Our sweet Son David Maples was killed in a car accident on his way home from the gym. Never could a Father have such a wonderful son. The Lord is blessing us on this very difficult day.”  From that moment on, an outpouring of love, compassion and the kindest words just came flooding in.  I was taken back by the sincere heartfelt feelings that were shared.  I want you to know they helped me.  Each of them meant so much to me.  Some wrote long messages; others left short messages, each of them were so helpful and meant so much.  I read them over and over again.

While Trish was getting dressed I told her that I had the impression that we needed to go to the Temple to just be there and just feel the peace you find while there.  She told me that she had the same feeling several hours ago.  We decided we would go after she was finished getting dressed.

In the mean time I text my good friend Mike Gardner and asked when he woke up to give me a call.  Mike was our former Bishop, I served with him as his 1st Counselor.  A few minutes later he called me.  He told me he was on a cruise with his family in the middle of the Atlantic.  He said that he had not had signal all week until that morning.  I told him what had happened.  He began to cry.  Mike had lost his Mother unexpectedly many years ago.  He talked to me and gave me such great counsel and advice.  It was so good to talk to him.  He told me they would be back by Sunday and would come right over when they landed.

Through out that night I had so many feelings run thru me.  I had been what I will call racked with feelings of guilt.  The guilt came from questions I asked myself.  Did I give David everything he needed to live and be happy in the world he now lived in, the spirit world?  Had I taught him the way I should have?  What would have happened if I let him clean the dishes a little longer?  Had he not taken my truck because I somehow made him feel bad for always taking my truck?  I found myself on my knees over and over just begging the Lord to take anything I may have in my life or would have and give it to my Son.  I plead with the Lord to please, please give my son anything he needed, I would gladly give up all I had for him to be happy.  Maybe this was normal I didn’t know but it began to occupy all of my thinking.  I just couldn’t get out of my mind that some how I could have done more for my Son.  I was hurting so bad.

After Trish was dressed she told me she wanted me to take her to the intersection where David was killed.  In my head I thought no way.  I didn’t want to be any where near that intersection. I found that I didn’t want to hear a lot details. I had filled in all the pieces myself and if I heard the details it would mess up the story I had created.  I knew it was important to her so of course I would take her.  As we drove to the intersection, it dawned on me that we use this one intersection literally every single day sometimes multiple times.  The closer we got the more my anxiety just shot straight up, my heart was racing.  We pulled up and I parked on the side of the street in the dirt.  What I saw was a nightmare.  First the reality that our sweet boy had died in that intersection just a few short hours earlier shot thru me like I was being hit right in the gut.

The flares from the night before were still in the middle of the street.  There was metal and pieces swept to the gutters.  Later our son Ryan would find the headlight from David’s bike on the side of the street.  What I saw next almost made me throw up right there on the side of the road.  The police had outlined several things from the accident.  They had outlined the motorcycle; they outlined the mirror and other pieces that scattered in the intersection.  They outlined David and then there were these long parallel lines about 10-15 feet long.  In between the lines was written the words, “Body Scuff”.  The thought of my son sliding on that asphalt and the pain he must have felt was almost unbearable for me.  My head was swirling from the picture it created in my mind.

I could see the pain on Trish’s face and my heart hurt for her.  I said there was no way this could stay there.  My family and children would be coming into town and they would go through this intersection dozens of times over the next several days.  I didn’t know how but I knew it had to be removed.  Just then I received a text.  It was from our good friend Donna Tagliaferri.  Her text read that she had just heard the news and was so sorry.  She expressed love and said if there was anything she could do for us to please let her know.  I knew Donna was on the planning commission and she might be able to help me.  I called her sitting while we sat in the truck and explained the situation.  I asked if she could help me get this removed somehow.  She said she knew whom she could call and would do her best to get something done.  She reminded me that we were dealing with the government and she couldn’t guarantee anything but would do her best.  I knew she would and thanked her.  If she couldn’t get it done, I would come out in the middle of the night and paint it my self.  It just could not be allowed to stay the way it was.

Trish and I then drove to the Temple.  It is located about 30 minutes east on the other side of the valley.  We talked about where we would bury David, what mortuary we should use.  We had received a call from a group that works with the Clarke County Coroners office.  They were in charge of making arrangements if the family was willing to have their loved one be a donor.  David had been dead too long to donate his organs.  However, they told us we could donate his eyes, heart valves, some bone, some veins and skin.  Trish and I talked about it as we drove.  It was a tough conversation, what can prepare you to have such a conversation?  Nothing.  Trish thought it was a good idea however, she made it very clear to me she wanted to be able to have a viewing and wanted her baby boy to be in good condition.  We talked some more.  We would later make the decision to go ahead with David being a donor.

We arrived at the Temple, it was good to be there and I looked forward to some needed peace.  When we arrived I went to change my clothes.  As I came around the corner there was my good friend David Lamb.  He had heard the news and came up and gave me a big hug.  We talked for a bit.  I told him that we had felt impressed to come there, he said “Greg, your in the right place”.  He had been sitting in the celestial room when he felt prompted to leave and go do the dressing room. His timing was perfect. It was just what I needed, to see my friend and talk to someone. A tender mercy for sure. Trish had changed and met a lady who noticed that Trish was upset.  She asked her if everything was ok?  Trish said everything was not ok and it wasn’t going to be.  She told the women what had happened.  She was so sweet and nice she listened and hugged her.  We wanted to go and just sit in the Celestial room together.  The women took us the back way and straight to the Celestial room.  We entered and sat on one of the couches together and just held hands.  We spoke a bit, but truth is I don’t remember what about.  A few minutes later the women came back in this time she was accompanied by another women.  She had dark hair and was pretty.  They walked up and the women introduced the other women, she said this is Marie Craig she was down stairs and heard your story.  She had a son die several years ago and thought she might be able to give you some comfort and talk to you.  Marie Craig was really Marie Osmond.  Marie was so kind to us.  She told us about her son and what she went through.  She hugged Trish and spoke to her only as another mother could speak to another mother.  She gave us great advice.  She told us to be watchful over our other children and how this would affect them.  She spent about 20 minutes with us.  She hugged us both and left.  A coincidence?  I think not.  I know that we were both impressed to go to the Temple, a tender mercy tailored just for us.

As we sat holding hands Trish told me she wanted to see her baby boy.  I said then let’s take you to where he is so you can see him.  From the truck I called the coroners office to work out the details to see our sweet boy.  The woman on the phone said, “Sir, I know you want to see your son.  However, this is not like the movies, you can’t see him, we don’t do that here”.  I hung up and told Trish.  She was so disappointed and felt horrible for her.

When we got off the freeway at the intersection to our home, I had a knot in my stomach because I knew we would see the intersection David was killed in and the paint outlines was just too hard to see.  As we entered the intersection you could see everything was gone, we had only been gone about 1-½ hours.  I could hardly believe my eyes.  As we turned I saw a city truck parked on the side of the road.  There was a man from the city sitting in the truck.  I pulled over and parked in front of him and got out and walked up to his truck.  His window was down.  He looked a bit surprised to see me.  I thanked him for painting over the lines and cleaning up the road.  He said No problem, there had been an accident and the folks wanted to know if it could be cleaned up.  I reached out and put my hand on his arm and said, I know, it was my son who died in that intersection his name was David.  I told him I knew he was probably out on another job and was called away to come over to do this.  I said, sir you have done a good thing here today, thank you so much.  His eyes got big and he searched for words.  All he said, was I am gla
d we could help.  I shook his hand and walked back to the truck.  Once again a tender mercy and the timing was perfect.

When we arrived home it began a parade of people coming over to visit. They brought food, flowers, cards, it was just overwhelming all the support and love.  The doorbell just kept ringing.  Each time we would hug, cry and talk.  It was nice and a good distraction.  Our daughter Brooke, her two children and Miranda David’s girlfriend arrived.  That was tough.  As soon they walked through the door we just cried.  Later that night my parents, sister and our oldest daughter Mandy her son Bryce and daughter Reagan arrived.  It was so good to have them here.  We sat and talked, cried and just spent time together.

We finally headed for bed around 1:00am.  We had been up for 24hrs and we were physically and emotionally exhausted, however, rest was not in our future.