Post #8 The Funeral

At random times through out my day, I will think about David.  The one thought that stops me in my tracks every single time is when I ponder that I have a son in the Spirit World.  That he is no longer here on this earth and that he lives in another place.  You can go through your day and have some kind of normalcy but when I think about this, it just stops me.  Maybe because I realize there is nothing I can do and unlike my other children I can’t pick up the phone and just talk to him or get on a plane and go see him.  It’s a strange feeling and what’s interesting is I have the same feeling every time I think about it.  The impact of that thought is the same today as when David first died.  The permanency of death has been a shock to my system, it’s very unforgiving.

Monday would bring another round of firsts for our family.  The funeral would be at the Church, which is literally 2 blocks from our house.  Monday was Labor Day so we decided to have the funeral in the afternoon at 4:00pm.  That would allow friends and others to enjoy their holiday and still have the chance if they wanted to attend David’s funeral.

Bishop Wagner had been by a few days earlier to work on the program and to go over details and logistics of that day.  His very sweet wife created and took care of the program flyer.  He brought over a copy for us to look at.  You know I have been involved in literally dozens of funerals in some form or fashion and have seen programs, read them and even kept some as a memento.  But looking down at your own sons funeral program was like a dream.  Who does that, your not supposed to review and approve the program for your own son’s funeral.  I remember pondering on that moment, as I knew this would be part of a lot of first for me that day.

By Monday all of the family that would be here for the funeral was in town and our house was buzzing with people coming in and out, food continued to pour into our house.  Flowers, plants, gifts, cards all continued to come in one after another to our home.  The mood was a bit more light and having everyone around felt good.  My mood had changed literally 180 degrees.  I felt like getting up and doing things and getting things done.  It felt good to feel good.

David’s casket was brought to the Church and was put in the Relief Society room.  That is a room where on Sunday the women meet and have their lessons etc.  It’s a fairly good size room with padded chairs a piano and is decorated with soft colors and has a warm feeling in it.  There I would gather the family and I would have a family prayer.  After the prayer the pallbearers would take the casket to the chapel and we as a family would follow and take our place in the chapel at the reserved seats in the front.  After the funeral there would be a dinner for our family served in the church.

Because it was Labor Day we were not able to bury David the same day.  We would have to wait until Wednesday to do that.  We decided the graveside service would be very brief and would just include family and close friends.  So today would be the funeral only.  At the time it seemed ok, but to have the viewing Sunday, funeral on Monday and then the graveside burial on Wednesday seem to just drag everything out.  Each of these events would bring such strong emotions.  It was tiring to say the least.

We all arrived at the church on time.  We gathered in the Relief Society room and waited for the program to start.  We had invited some of David’s close friends who would be pallbearers and others to be with us as well.  Miranda and her family were there with us.  At one point my wife was putting eyelashes on our middle daughter Brooke while we waited.  Hair was being brushed, make-up being touched up, I thought to myself if David were allowed to be here and see this he would just laugh.  That was so normal for our family and I knew it would make him smile.  It was familiar and that felt good.

The time came and the Bishop stood up and got things started.  He said that after I gave the family prayer that we would follow the casket and the pallbearers down the hall and into the chapel.  He then turned the time over to me.  As an LDS Father I have been part of many important events in David’s life.  I was there when he was born, I blessed him as a baby, I baptized him and confirmed him a member and gave him the gift of the Holy Ghost.  I gave him a Fathers blessing at the beginning of every school year, as was our tradition from the time he started pre-school until he went off to college.  I conferred the Aaronic Priesthood and ordained him to the office of Deacon at 12, then a Teacher at 14 and a Priest at 16.  I was with him at every scout camp in fact I served for 2 years as his scout master, I was there for his Eagle project and his board of review and his receiving his Eagle Scout award, for his seminary graduation, when he received his Duty to God award, I was there when he graduated high school, I was there for his baseball games from the time he was a small boy. I was there for his out of the park homer, all the way to his state championship basketball game his senior year in high school.  I would confer the Melchezedek Priesthood on him and ordain him to the office of an Elder.  I would be there as he received his Patriarchal blessing.  He would be my home teaching companion from the time he turned 12 until the day he died.  I would be with him through the putting in of his mission papers and I would be there when he opened his call to Chihuahua, Mexico.  I had been with this sweet boy in and through every major life event and now I would lead the family in a family prayer at his funeral and then a few minutes later would speak at his funeral service.  As I stood in front of everyone these were the thoughts that raced through my mind.  The moment seemed monumental to me.  I stood and bowed my head.  I don’t remember what I said and truthfully it probably wasn’t important.  What was important is that once again I was where I was supposed to be in David’s life.  I was his Father and I was glad to be able to once again do for my son something that needed to be done.  As I was praying it made perfect since to me that David would be there at this sacred time.  He would want to be with his family and be there to give them comfort.

After the prayer the casket was moved out and we began the walk down the hall.  We had not been in the chapel since we arrived so I wasn’t sure how many people were there.  As we turned the corner and walked in the chapel, everyone was standing.  What I remember is a bit odd to me even today.  As we turned the corner I remember seeing a lot of people and for some reason they all seemed so tall to me.  It was to me a forest of people.  I felt completely surrounded.  I don’t remember seeing anyone in particular as we entered, however, I remember feeling a great sense of love and comfort.   The casket was centered at the front of the chapel in front of the podium.  We all sat down in our reserved pews.  On the stand were our Bishop and Stake President.  An LDS funeral is a Church meeting and the Bishop would conduct this meeting and the Stake President would preside.

We had asked our middle son Zach to give the Eulogy.  We knew he would do a great job he has a special way with words and story telling.  Zach talked about David and told some very sweet and tender stories.  Then he read a Facebook message I had received from a young man I had never met.  Below is the message that was written

“Mr. Maples, you do not know me. I am from Raleigh, NC and I played Xbox with your son for I believe over 6 years. I am sure you, like my parents, did not like that he played xbox because it takes away from “real life.” But for the majority of my early teenage life, the only friends I had were on xbox. I spent countless hours with your son. Time I would never trade. Your son was the definition of a missionary. As you know, the mission field is not only in another country. It is wherever you are, at home, on the phone, in school, on xbox, etc. He was a witness wherever he was. You raised an amazing young man. I cannot imagine the grief you are going through, for I hurt and knew him only a short time. I thought you should know a part of your son’s life that maybe you did not get to see. He had an impact wherever he went. I will be praying for you, not just for a few days, but for months, years even, because this is not a pain that ends in a short while. I will never understand why young people are called home, but you and I know that he is in a place of everlasting comfort. Thank you for David and allowing him to spend the hours he did with me and all the others we played with”

What a wonderful message this young man had sent our family.  Truth is over the next couple of weeks many and by that I mean dozens of messages just like this came in about David.  They told us about things he had done to help others, things he had said and done that we simply knew nothing about.  It painted a picture of our son that we hadn’t been privy to.  We of course were aware of what a great young man David is, however, these kinds of messages were just heart warming and insightful.  I appreciated people taking the time to send them, they did and do mean so much to our family.

After Zach gave the Eulogy it was my turn to speak.  I had no intention of speaking at the funeral.  However, my children convinced me that I should say something.  It wasn’t something I wanted to do, however, after thinking about it I thought it would be appropriate for me as David’s father to say a few words.

As I walked up to the podium I felt very subdued and a kind of solemn feeling come over that I had not experienced before.  As I got to the podium and looked out I was shocked.  There were so many people.  The chapel was full, the over flow was full and it went on into the gym.  There must have been 500 people there.  I was so surprised.  When we had entered the chapel I couldn’t really see how many people were in attendance.  Now, I could see everyone and it was just amazing.  I had made an outline of what I wanted to say.  I had six areas I wanted to cover.  1. The coroner:  I wanted to tell the audience of our experience finding out from the coroner that night.  I thought people would appreciate knowing some of the details and it may answer some questions. 2. Gratitude for our son:  I wanted to tell everyone how grateful we were to have a son like David and to express our gratitude for him and our chance to raise him and be his parents.  3. Gratitude for everyone:  I needed to express our deep gratitude for all that had been done for us.  I wanted to express our family’s deep appreciation for all of the many things that had been done for us.  4.  Tender Mercy’s:  I spoke about the experiences we had and the tender mercy’s the Lord had showed us so many times in the last 4 days.  I went through some of the experiences you have read in my blog thus far.  5.  David:  I wanted to say a few words about David and his life.  I didn’t get to this one.  I actually felt impressed to skip this, not sure why, but I did.  6.  Forgiveness:  I told the audience about the lady who had hit David.  I told them how we had no ill feelings toward her and that those here in this audience had a chance to change history to change a person’s life.  I asked if everyone would not only have forgiveness for her but also if they would each individually pray for her, it alone could change her and for sure would change them.  That was so important for me to say.  I wanted everyone to know that we as a family had moved to a place of complete forgiveness and that though we had never met this lady, we loved her, we prayed for her.  If we can do this all of them in the audience can certainly do it and would find so much peace.  It would allow us to focus on remembering David and how we wanted to be with him again.  While I was talking one of the things that was so profound to me, was that every single persons attention was 100% on me.  There was not one sound and everyone’s eyes were focused directly on me.  I have never experienced anything like it in my life.  It was a good teaching moment and the message of forgiveness was the message that needed to be shared.  Several weeks later I would be at dinner with one of my cousins and her husband.  She told me that while I was speaking she could see David standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders comforting me.  I didn’t see it, nor do I remember feeling anything, however, I believe her and it gives me strength to know my boy was there to hear his Dad.

Some would comment on how I was shaking when I was talking.  I don’t remember that but my wife mentioned it as well.  I think I was more overwhelmed by just being at my sons funeral and speaking.

After I spoke the children from David’s primary class he taught (8 year old boys and girls he taught on Sunday) they sang a medley of primary songs.  It was so precious.  Some of the kids simply cried through the entire number.  They loved David so much and he loved them.  It hurt my heart to see these sweet kids feelings be so tender, however, they were the highlight of the funeral.  Bishop Wagner spoke and then a group of young men sang Ye Elders of Israel.  This was the song I sang to all my boys when they were small and I would rock them to sleep, I would sing this song into their ears.  President Harper spoke then we had a closing hymn and prayer and it was over.  We filed out following the casket and out into the parking lot where we stood and watched the casket being loaded into the Hurst.  So many people came up and hugged us, loved on us and said some of the sweetest things.  It was just overwhelming how many people were there and how sweet they all were.

Our family made it into the gym and set up there was a full meal, with some of the best home cooked food you have ever eaten.  All of our immediate and extended families sat and ate, talked, took pictures and laughed and cried together.  It was so great to have that time with them in that environment.  This is another miracle of the Church.  The food was just there, tables set up and everything ready to go and when we were done, we were told to leave everything and go home.  That was a bit hard for our family, we are used to cleaning up and being the last ones out.  But today we were told to just leave it and let others do it for us.  How sweet were those who did all of that for us.

And just like that our son’s funeral was over.  Done, there would never again be a meeting a moment or event that would celebrate David’s life like his funeral and now it was over.  That night I sat on the edge of my bed and pondered all that had happened that day.  I knew I had just experienced all of it, however, it just felt like a dream, I couldn’t believe it was real and that it had actually happened.  I still to this day marvel that this is all real, that David is really gone.  I am not angry but I do ask how.  How did we get here?  The longing for my son is so profound in my soul that sometimes I think I am just going to burst.  I have said it before, but the finality of his being gone is still something I am getting used to.  It’s all just so permanent and that is hard.