Post #6 David’s not here, he’s at our care center

Saturday morning came and I had butterflies in my stomach. The funeral home said we would be able to see David and we would make the arrangements for him as well. I don’t remember much about that morning. I probably did what I did often and just sat on the back porch and thought, mingled with trips to my bedroom where I would fall on my knees and plead with the Lord for help, forgiveness and simply understanding and peace. It’s funny, I have had my prayers answered literally my entire life, the Lord has been so good to me and has blessed me more then I deserved, why was I not getting the answers the comfort I needed now. In my limited mind and limited view I thought it must be because of something I have done. I sat on the back porch and combed through my life looking for something I must have done to cause the Lord to hold back what I thought I needed at that very moment. The pains of a racked soul were mine at least for the near future.

The entire family, all of our children, my parents, my sister, Trish’s brother David and Miranda would all go with us to the funeral home. Our intent was to have some time to visit with David and then make the arrangements. When we arrived and parked in the parking lot it was a warm day and I was feeling the heat from outside. We got out and gathered together. As we walked I remember my Sister Jody holding my arm to help me. I was thinking as I walked in, I need to be stronger for my family. We were about to see David and I had no idea how he would look. We were about to pick out a casket and a plot to bury David in this is not normal stuff. You don’t do this for your children, you don’t do this for a 20-year-old son who just 72 hrs. earlier was full of life, dreams and was your baby boy. Nevertheless we were here and this was going to happen regardless if I wanted it to or not.

I would later learn that as I was walking in and my sister was holding my arm, she felt someone else lifting me and holding me up. She looked around to see who had walked up and was helping. There was no one there. She later said, she knew it was David and he was walking next to his Dad helping him. In hindsight I feel I could have been a little stronger, better at looking out for the feelings of others. It was hard really hard, but somehow I should have been able to handle it all just a little bit better. At least that is what has gone through my mind. Right or wrong, I was doing the best I could at the time. Trish seemed to have it together so much more then I did. She was composed and seemed to know what to do and when to do it. I was grateful for her strength and for her on-going wisdom. I felt and feel very blessed to have her.

We were greeted as we walked in the front door. They seemed nice and guided us to a room where there were seats for Trish, mom, my dad and myself. Everyone else stood and looked on. The young lady was nice and seems to since our trepidation as we began. She asked us to tell her something about David; this would help her know how to help us with David’s arrangements. Truth be told, I was a little irritated by this. My cynical side kicked in and saw this as a sales tactic. However, we told her a little bit about David. We talked about the funeral, where it might be, the viewing etc. She explained that she took care of the arrangements for the casket, the funeral, and David’s body. There was another person who would take care of the burial, the plot, basically anything outside.

I don’t remember all the details, I know that Trish picked out a beautiful casket; we looked at all kinds of flowers to put on the top of the casket. She tried to upsell us on some things. Did we want to give everyone a special laminated card with a nice saying on it? We could have necklaces made with David’s fingerprint on it. These to me were way over the top. That’s just me speaking, I am not saying they aren’t nice and for some, however, I just recognized it as an attempt to upsell us. It didn’t sit well with me. Bishop Wagner was there and helped us connect with a local florist that could get us what we wanted with out having to pay the funeral home prices. The process took more time then I liked. David was killed on a Wednesday night at 8:36, we found out Thursday at 1:00am. It was Saturday at 2:00pm. He had not been dead for 72hrs yet and we were here making these arrangements. I was still processing the fact that our baby boy our sweet bubster was gone and here we were picking out caskets, flowers, plots etc. I just wanted someone to shake me, slap me, and wake me up from this horrible nightmare. I just kept thinking, this is not happening, how in the world did we get here to this point.

Finally I asked when we would get to see David. She was looking at her computer screen and cavalierly said, oh he’s not here he is at our “Care Center”. Care center? What in the world is a care center? You told us that we could see our son. We have all come here today with that in mind. We had spent our morning preparing to see him. Miranda had come with us and she was very emotional and was already very tender. For us to hear we would not be seeing him was to say the least disappointing. I knew how much Trish wanted to see him, so I pushed the lady a bit. I said, you told us that he would be here, why would you tell us that if he wasn’t going to be? I was thinking she must have told us that just to get us down there so they could make the arrangements; lock us into using their facility.

She nicely said that David wasn’t ready and was still at their care center. Wasn’t ready? What did that mean? I pushed her a little more; I asked what do you mean he’s not ready? If you know something just tell us. She turned slightly in her chair half looking at us and half looking at her screen and said in a bit of an irritated voice…”the people from the donor organization had David a little longer then they had thought” or something like that. It hit me like a truck. You have to be kidding they had taken the donations from David and there was nothing left. The blood ran from my head and I was sick to my stomach. I asked her exactly what does that mean. She turned to us and said…”They have stripped your son and there is not much left”. I was going to be sick. Trish looked at me with a face filled with excruciating hurt and anger and said, Greg I told you this would happen I wanted to have a son to bury. I sat there stunned.  I didn’t know what to do. I have never been in any situation like this. I could see she was so hurt and she was angry. She had every right to be. I was floored and didn’t know what to say. The people from the donor program had promised me this would not be the case. They said that a viewing would be no problem at all.

Things were tense and at once the girl could see her insensitivity had caused a ripple effect. We called for a timeout. We all left the office and walked into the hall. I was so devastated, what had I done? With all the feelings of guilt I had been experiencing and now this? I had let these people ruin our son, my wife would never forgive me. This was just the worst thing that could have happened. How could I have let this happen?

I few minutes later the girl came back and apologized and said that she had called down to the care center and spoke to them. She said she was wrong and that David was fine and that he looked great. She had jumped to conclusions because of her experiences before and thought it would be the same. David was fine and would be ready for the viewing Sunday the next day. However, we would not be able to see him today.

Are you kidding me? I went from thinking my life was over to everything was going to be fine and my head was spinning and the knot in my gut was tight and gnawing deep in my stomach. The words “They stripped your Son” just echoed in my mind. It wasn’t until well after the funeral when Trish and I were talking that I learned that she had been having nightmares. She had a recurring dream of seeing David dead with his eyes having been cut out. This was so horrible, I felt so bad I didn’t know she was having these dreams. David would donate his eyes and the thought of her baby boy losing his eyes caused these terrible dreams. I felt horrible for her. So to sit in that room and hear this lady say those words were just too much.

We finished our business inside and finalized our package. Now it was time to go and pick out a spot. We had tossed around the idea of putting David in a mausoleum in case we ever moved; we could take him with us. We found out that whether he is buried in the ground or in a mausoleum the cost is $5000 to move a body. So we could do whatever we wanted. We had him take us to the place where the mausoleum was. We hoped in a golf cart and he drove us around. We stopped a beautiful place where the mausoleum overlooked a small lake. We got out and walked around. He talked about places in the shade, places overlooking the lake. He actually said that one had a great view of the water. I just rolled my eyes. He showed us a book with all the prices. $65,000 for the one he was showing us. All I could do was smile. I said, $65,000 for just the hole in the wall. Yes he said but it has a wonderful view. I almost laughed out loud. We asked about a plot to bury him in. He said he has some wonderful spots right by the lake. It would be cool and very green. $125,000. What? Finally after about 10 minutes of this, I looked at him and with a Greg Maples smirk said…Sir, can you take us to where the people that go to Walmart are buried?

My family laughed and the man smirked. We hopped in the golf cart and went to the other side of the property. It was by the street but was still very beautiful. A couple of years earlier some of our dear friends had lost their little boy Clayton. He had been born with some developmental problems and had a very tough life as a little boy. When he died I remember how sad I was for this sweet family. They had buried Clayton here in this cemetery. We saw his headstone and the man told us that the area Clayton was buried in was for young children. He pointed to a section right next to this area that was for adults but was very close to Clayton. David was a primary teacher at church (he taught the 8 year olds) and had served in the nursery ( 18 mths – 3yrs old) at church. He loved to teach and be with those little children and they loved him. We knew he would love to be close to the little children. We found a really nice spot that had the shade of two trees fall over it at different times of the day. It felt right and was easy to find when you arrived at the cemetery. We signed a contract on the plot.

As we left, I contemplated all that had happened. I was drained both physically and emotionally. I didn’t know how much more I could take of this kind of drama. Little did I know that on Sunday I was about to have a roller coaster of a day.

I woke up Sunday, showered and got ready for the day. I dressed in my suit as if I were going to church. Today would be the viewing. Given all that had happened the day before I had a knot in my stomach unlike any time before. The feelings of inadequacy as a father, my anguish for my sons death, now the thought that today at the viewing we might not see a David we would recognize was just overwhelming. I found myself on my knees constantly.

It was fairly early on Sunday morning and not everyone was awake. A few grand kids, but most had not made it to the house from their hotels. As I sat on the back porch just thinking about all of this I had the thought come to me. Go see Renea and Clive.