Post 5 “I was with your son when he died”

We learned that there was a car about 200 yards behind David when the accident occurred.  He was the first on the scene and was with David the entire time of the accident.  I will withhold his name so that he can remain anonymous.  However, as it turns out he was a member of a Ward in our Stake.  Our Stake President; President Robert Harper let me know that he was a member of our Stake and that he was willing to talk to us about his experience with David.  I hesitated to even tell Trish because I knew she would want to talk to him.  I didn’t want to have anything to do with it; I did not want to talk to him.  I did tell Trish and she did want to talk him.  She called him and invited him to come over to the house to meet with the family.  I was not too happy when she told me what she had arranged.  The last thing I wanted was to have him come to our home and tell me about David’s last minutes on this earth.  I had already put the pieces together in my mind and I didn’t need any of the facts getting in the way.  She set up for him to come over Friday night.

When I answered the door I was surprised that he was young.  I don’t know why in my mind I thought he was older, but that is what I had created in my mind.  He came in and sat on the couch.  We had Trish, Hayley, Zach, Brooke, Mandy, Bryce our grandson, my parents, my sister and me.  He was a bit uncomfortable as you can imagine.  So he just started telling the story.

He had been coming out of the Walmart/SAMS parking lot and was sitting at the light.  He saw David drive by him as he sat at the light.  He rode motorcycles and had owned them.  He said he remembered thinking as David drove by, that David must be a good guy; because of the way he was driving.  He said he sat just right on the motorcycle, had his helmet and wasn’t speeding.  He said he had seen a lot of guys riding rocket bikes and they would ride aggressive, had a crotch rocket stance and they just looked different.  He turned left at the light and came up behind David about 200 yards.  He saw that the light was green and that David was just riding normal into the intersection when the Jeep simply turned in front of him.  He said David did exactly what he should have, David had no where to go, he slammed on his breaks, the bike came out from under David and he slid right into the side of the Jeep.

The man stopped his car and blocked the traffic and got out.  He went right up to David who was lying in the street.  He knelt down next to him and asked him his name, David told him his name and his age, the man was on the phone with 911.  David sat up and said something to him like, you need to call…but he couldn’t understand him, however, he repeated it a couple of times.  You have to understand that at this point I was going to absolutely burst.  I did not want to hear this.  It was too soon I couldn’t take it.  I just sat there looking straight ahead.  I wanted this to be over and it couldn’t be fast enough for me.  This was of course no fault of his, it was all me.  I had created a story in my mind that David hit the car at 8:36 and he was dead in the street by 8:38.  I had decided he had not suffered and slipped away from this life quickly and painlessly. I didn’t want to hear anything that contradicted my story and his was doing just that.

He could see David’s eyes because the plastic piece covering his eyes on his helmet had come off revealing his eyes.  The first minute the man was on the phone with 911.  When he got off the phone other people were around David and were trying to take his helmet off.  The man said that would not be a good idea they should wait. David was lying there and was in pain, he could tell he was writhing in pain.  David reached out and took the man by the hands.  The man said to him, “David I am not going to leave you, everything is going to be ok”.  At that point David lay back and relaxed, then he completely relaxed, no sound, no pain. We would learn later that David had died at that moment.   The ambulance arrived within three minutes of the call.  The man was with David for all three minutes.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I wanted to scream.  My son was in pain? He was looking for help? And I was nowhere to be found.  His story and the picture in my mind of the lines on the street that said “Body Scuff” It to me was as if someone was kicking me in my head, stomach and heart all at the same time.

I excused myself and left the room.  I went into my bedroom and hit my knees.  I needed help, I needed understanding, I needed relief, and I could not do this alone.  Can prayer really help this, someone like me, something like this?  The answer is of course yes and it wouldn’t take long for me to know that.  I lay on my bed and just writhed as I recounted what he had just told me.  Why did I listen, why did I let him come over.  It was all too much for me.  He told us that his Father had died while playing basketball at the Church.  No one would tell him all the details of his father’s death and he wanted to know.  It took 7 years for him to find out the details and he wanted to tell us everything so we wouldn’t have the same experience.  He was right, however in that moment I didn’t see his wisdom at all.

After what seemed a long time I went back out to the living room.  He was still there and the entire family was still talking to him.  How long would this last? I needed him to go.  I was wrong and my sweet family was right.  They had got to know him; they learned he had been out of work for some time.  He had a wife and young family.  My sweet family jumped into action.  They gathered up food, cookies and other items and he left with his arms full of goodies.

While this was very hard for me, it has turned out to be a true blessing.  As I will report later the information that he gave us would help us later connect the dots of the on-going story.  He was such a good guy; to come to our home and do what he did it shows real character on his part.  I want him to know that I have a great love for him.  I would later see him at David’s funeral and give him a big hug.  He is a good man.

After he left I went back into my bedroom and just lay down.  A few minutes later my 13-year-old grandson Bryce came in and with his head down.  He walked up to the side of my bed and said “Papa can I lay down with you”.  I scooted over and he lie down next to me and put his head on my chest.  He just lay there and cried.  I held him tight and told him how much I loved him.  We talked about how we were feeling.  I told him exactly how I was feeling and what I was feeling.  He told me how he was feeling as well.  Up to this point I had only seen things through Trish’s pain, and mine mainly mine.  Bryce was very close to David.  Our daughter and Bryce had lived with us for a long time when he was younger; we had cared for him when he was a baby.  This was hurting him as if he had lost a Brother not an Uncle.  I had not really thought about it, I was too focused on my pain and that wasn’t fair to the others.  He stayed there and fell asleep.  I just held him.  I love this sweet boy so much.  He was so much like his Uncle David.  He was kind, funny and was always willing to help out.  I just hugged him as he slept it was a good moment and I needed it.  In that moment I could feel the love of my Heavenly Father and the peace that can only come from him.  It felt good to feel good even if it was for just a moment.  He had heard my prayer and had answered it with sweet feelings and peace.  I would recognize these kinds of moments literally hundreds of times over the next several weeks.

Finally we all headed to bed.  I was not looking forward to the night, my first night yielded very little sleep and the morning was not easy.  A friend of ours who had lost both her parents in a short amount of time stopped by and offered some sleep aid that she used after her parents had died and thought it might help us.  I took one and headed to bed. I remember waking up around 2:00am, I sat up and looked around the room.  It was so quiet.  I begged to see David, I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to hear his voice and know he was ok.  There would be no reply, just darkness and quite.  I lay back down and after a while drifted back to sleep.  I actually slept better; I think I slept until around 6:00am.

I woke up knowing that today was the day we would see David.  It’s hard to explain but it felt good that we would see him.  I just wanted to hold him, kiss his face and be with him.  I also knew that we would have to take care of all the funeral arrangements and I knew that was not going to be easy.  But seeing him would out-way any of the bad, at least that’s what I thought.  My prayers were consistently filled with gratitude for what I knew, for the love and plan of our Heavenly Father; it was also filled with pleading for my son.  I begged the Lord to give him all that he needed, please don’t let him want for anything.  I continued to beg for forgiveness of my faults and shortcomings.  It seemed that every unkind word, teasing moment or careless act was harrowed up in my mind.  I didn’t feel any relief from those feelings yet.  The feelings were ever present, I didn’t want to talk to anyone about them not even Trish because I felt so guilty for my thoughts and that I had remembered all of these glaring faults.  I felt embarrassed and ashamed as a Father.  As David’s father I don’t remember having to get after David much.  Was he a normal boy and got into some trouble sure?  However, he didn’t have to be disciplined and when he did it wasn’t much.  I remembered when David was between 8 and 13 he would come in each night around 8:00pm and ask, “Dad is it ok if I go to bed” I would look at my watch and then smile and say, “Sure sweet boy, I love you” and off to bed he would go.  I would just smile and say, what little boy does that?  I wasn’t sure where all these feelings of guilt were coming from.

It had only been about 48 hours since the lady from the Coroners office had knocked on our door.  It felt like I had lived a lifetime in those few hours.  I had felt, experienced and learned things that I could not have learned in years of study and training.  Even in my grief I knew that my father in heaven loved me, I knew and understood the plan of happiness.  I couldn’t have imagined how much I was about to understand it and exactly how thorough my learning was about to become.  That afternoon would prove to be a trying and punishing day for me.  I was surrounded by a lot of family and our sweet Bishop and that would be very helpful.